Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Bills and debts

I should have good credit by now, but the never ending stream of bills just doesn't seem to end.

Haven't been on here in a while. Sorry. Getting my life in order and going through the novelty phase of a new relationship! Bliss for now. I feel like I'm on Cloud 99 whenever I'm with Connor. And blah blah blah feels good in the heat of the moment and whenever we're together. All my logical reasoning just flies out the window.

And its a euphoric feeling to not have a care in the world. Its also dangerous. I don't want to be stuck here in limbo. We'll see how it pans out in the next couple of months.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

2015

New Year 2015

And I'm comfortable with myself. I got a good job with unlimited overtime--most of that comes from being short staffed on a daily basis cuz they keep getting hurt from being clobbered by the patients. Not really, they just haven't had enough experience to be working in this field, or they don't know what they're doing when a restraint has to be done.

Myself, I'm avoiding getting hurt at all expense. Not getting hurt for shit.

#2) I have a good woman behind my back. And I love her to bits. She feels the same.

And that's it.

Happy New Year!

Monday, December 1, 2014

My Dark Goddess

I was randomly letting my brain go off on a tangent. A streaming brainstorm of adulation...

And I sent in my paperwork to the Department of Corrections. And waiting to test...not too keen on time limited testing. Ugh

"My Dark Goddess"

It shouldn't be a surprise but I've come to accept you and your self-deprecating rage, shocking me witless with your responsible, uninhibited and unpredictable nature, intangibly distant, yet soothing me with your exquisite emotional release of love and lust. You are seething with potential for getting what you want. You only need to realize this.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Moneywhore Mode

I'm feeling weird...

Even though I'm in moneywhore mode, I'm feeling unsatisfied. Being in this workaholic mode means I have to get my life on track to get what I want which isn't much. I want a place of my own, my car paid off, and a significant other. I thought I found her.

But I can't have her. She says I live so far away--what, six hours?

I still love her as immensely as when I met her almost two years ago.

And I also got another job offer to work in corrections. Not sure about this one, but I hear its great pay getting unlimited overtime and benefits. It'll be something more up my alley but in a prison. More dangerous types. Whatever. Work is work and as long as I'm doing something with my life, I'm happy.

But I just want the girl. She's intoxicating and addicting. Incredibly beautiful and sharp of wit. And it seems I want the girl before any of my other goals. "I need to stabilize my life before I can get the girl", I hear my logical side saying. But another voice tells me, "better hurry up with your other objectives before someone else gets the girl". So this part has me worried.

A battle of wits with myself...


Oh yeah, Happy Thanksgiving!

Saturday, November 15, 2014

TIme...it flies!

I'm no longer the strapping young lad I was once. Back in the eighties, I made a promise to myself that I'd do everything and anything I could possibly do before I reach 30. And I did. Then my bucket list involved traveling overseas by myself, getting a new car, road tripping cross country, finding the woman of my dreams and starting a family. I did everything except start the family mainly cuz I saw how my siblings' marriages came and went and I realized I didn't want to go through all that headache of divorce and child support and raising kids and blah blah blah.

I've condemned myself to eternal bachelorhood. Singleness. Its not bad yet its not good either. Limbo.

And then there's Switchblade, the woman of my dreams. The woman of many firsts. I'm experiencing what it truly means to be in love with someone other than myself, for the first time. And at the same time, not being codependent as I was in relationships past. Actually feels good. At least now, I have a companion, a best friend to share things with. Yeah. I'm happy!

And I'm working in psych again. I know I've dissed it in the past, but compared to the numerous non-medical jobs I've had, I actually do like this field. Glorified babysitter/bouncer.

And on top of it all, I have a job that I enjoy and gives me unlimited overtime. The having no job for the first six months of the year, was severely stressing me to where I became depressed and anxiety manifested its ugly face in which I was holding down low-paying, unsatisfying jobs. This is not me.

Now fast forward to present time...
-- keep stress levels to a minimum
-- remove caffeine and sugar from my diet
-- no excessively salty foods
-- exercise more
-- avoid injuries to myself from job-related incidents
-- go to nursing school

I've turned my life around for the better. Yeah. I'm boring and I love it! So to keep this forward momentum going, I've decided to go to RN school...taking one class per semester to finish pre-reqs.